Hello Cancer...

I've gone to right this blog post a thousand times, but I could never figure out how to start it.  Being diagnosed with cancer is without a doubt the scariest thing that has ever happened to me.  You never think that you will get "the call" that says we need you to come in for further views...

I spent the first few weeks trying to get my head around it.  The first few days were just "numb."  I was participating in life but not really there in spirit.  I got up, got dressed, went about my days, seemingly as though life had not changed and "normal" was still a thing for me.

Yeah! that word "normal".  I really struggle with "normal" right now, because, in reality what is normal.  What I knew to be normal is no longer the same for me.  In fact "normal" is something that I don't even really know what it means.  When you are diagnosed with cancer, your world stops, comes to a grinding holt, almost like you have just run into a brick wall.  You want to move forward but something seems to stop your every step forward.  It's like life is playing a game and it 's not letting you have a turn.

Another thing that I have struggled with is the terms "fight", "battle", "war", and "journey".  Don't get me wrong, these are great words and I am certain for many people this has been what has got them through - and as I often say "what ever works for you is what you must do".  I am still trying to find words that I feel comfortable with, words that will help me stay strong, positive and focused.  Although this path I am on at the moment is a journey, I don't feel it fits me.  The definition for Journey is an act of travelling from one place to another.  I usually associate this word with something fun and exciting like a holiday or an exciting adventure.  You see my dilemma!  So while I continue to search for a word that is more fitting to me I thought I would share some of my thoughts so far:- 

There are a million articles to read on the internet about cancer and how to prepare/cope/handle what is happening to you.  Some are great and some are not so great but all played a part in getting my head around this thing... cancer.  When I started to read and gather information it wasn't so that I knew what to expect, it was more so that I had some understanding as to how this disease is different for everyone who has it.  There are no two people that seem to get/handle it in the same way.  Some symptoms are common, but most can be as different and as varied as the people who have to deal with it.  Reading lots of information gave me a sense of direction and a sense of control.  Knowledge is power and the more information I gathered the more knowledge I was gaining and the more I felt like I was not going under.

• Don't be afraid to accept help.  Any help and all help.  There will be days when you just can't get up, let alone cook a meal or a load a laundry.  We have received so much support and help that at times it's been hard to know what to say to show how grateful we are. 
• Rest and fluids are your greatest friend when going through chemo.  Instantly give up the idea of your "to do" list because the most important thing you need to do is rest.  Sleep when you can, whenever you can.
• Be prepared... I don't think you can ever really be truly prepared for what you are about to go through but there are some things that will make life just a bit easier.  One of the things that we did straight away was to order "Lite n Easy" frozen meals.  My husband was happy to cook  a few nights a week but he couldn't do it every night.  He also works full time and he has taken up the care of our children and most of the household chores etc so having frozen meals ready to go when they were needed has been one of our best decisions.
• Be prepared for lots of tests!  In the first three weeks of being diagnosed  I attended the hospital nearly everyday for tests.  So grab yourself a good diary and don't leave home without it.
• If you are going to attend any appointments where important information is going to be shared make sure you take someone with you.  You may think you are all together but as soon as they start talking results etc you mind gets overwhelmed very quickly and you just shut off.  I have a notebook that I write down any questions that I have so that I don't forget.  But, if during the appointment I forget to ask my questions I get my support person to ask for me and write down the answers.  I also get them to write down any or all information that is told to me during the appointment.  That way I don't have to worry about trying to remember everything.

I am not sure if this is helpful to anyone or not, but I just thought I would share some of what has been going through my mind.  If you know anyone who is going through cancer please send them my love and let them know that I will be praying hard for them, for me.

Love me :-)