I needed to shift my thinking...

I am not going to lie, these past few weeks have been tough.  I was in a very negative state and I just couldn't seem to shift my thinking. It was awful.  I just seemed to sit around a lot, staring into space and didn't have any inkling to do anything.  Everything just seemed to hard, and what was the point anyway.  -  see bad head space.

Generally I am not a negative person, I always think that things are going to be okay, you just have to go through what ever it is that you need to go through and all will be good.  But, for some reason I lost this thought process and I desperately wanted it back.

During the week as I was sitting on the couch mindlessly thumbing through Instagram (which seems to be how I am spending way too many of my days) I cam across this quote:

 "shout-out to my past self
for putting in the work
to get me where I am 
right now.

And to my future self:
I'm working,
I'm grinding,
I got this,
I got you."

It stopped me instantly.  My first thought - I have put in the hard work to get us where we are right now, do you really want to throw it all away now.

I got off my chair, went to my craft room and did a page in my art journal (this is new, I have never done an art journal before) using this quote.  It also got me thinking, I needed to try and find a way to shift my thinking.  Last week I picked up a timetable from the hospital of different treatments that they offer to cancer patients and their carers.  The only one that I could get to was Reiki.  Now to be honest I really didn't know much about Reiki but I didn't really think it was for me anyway, but that's what I could get to so I booked in.

I wasn't really sure what to expect as I really didn't know anything about it.  And, maybe not knowing was a good thing because I had no expectations of how it would go.  Juanita- my therapist was lovely and took some time before treatment to chat with me about how I was feeling.  I loved that she took this time and she really did seem to care and was listening, really listening.  Then, my session started.

At first I laid there, thinking, well nothing is happening (although I am not sure what I thought should be happening) but after a few minutes I could feel this warm, fuzziness starting at my head and then moving down my body, out through my feet.  It was weird, I wasn't sure how I felt.  Is this how it was supposed to feel?  I decided to surrender to it, just let it do it's thing and see where it took me.  It didn't take me long to feel overcome by the feeling.  It was comforting and weird at the same time.  My eyes started to water, not crying but little tears, leaving my eyes one by one.  It felt good.  I could feel my brain starting to shift and I could feel hope coming back.

I guess my point to this blog post is that you are going to probably have days that suck, and that's ok. Sometimes trying something new is just what you need to change your thinking.  Alternative therapies, and there are so many out there, are definitely worth trying.  I am a true believe in "what ever works, do it."  It will be different for all us and that's ok.  I also truly believe that things come to us for a reason.  As I said the only therapy I could get to was Reiki... maybe I was meant to try it!

Taking one day at a time as my "side trip with cancer" continues
love me :-)